Sunday August 12, 2012

As some of you may have read, I am working towards a BS in Business Administration majoring in Sales & Marketing. I am currently enrolled in a speech class. I have a project that is running the duration of this class. For this project I am working on learning how to share my feelings more openly with my family and friends. For this week I am supposed to rehearse, or “role-play”, a conversation I am preparing for that deals with my goal. I am supposed to do this with a friend or family member who is not involved in my goal, but the very nature of my goal involves all of my friends and family members. So I have decided to share an imagined version of this conversation with my readers (if I still have any) and ask for your input. Read over the conversation and try to imagine that you having it with a close friend of yours. Let me know what you think of my responses and the responses that I imagine my friend will have. Also let me know if you would have made any different responses. Thank you for your help. 🙂

Private Covert Rehearsal Practicing Conversations Alone in Your Imagination

Covert Rehearsal is an effective way of trying out new communication behaviors

I am planning a time to sit down with a friend and talk about the loneliness I feel. This will help me to work on two of my goal related behaviors: 1. Learn how to share my feelings with my family and friends without feeling ashamed, guilty, or selfish; 2. I will share my feelings with them when I am feeling overwhelmed. I am planning for this to take place in my living room, in the evening around 7 pm, with my friend Stacey. I don’t have a specific date since I will have to check with my friend for her availability. I have chosen the living room because of its comfort level. There are two couches, an entertainment center, two end tables, and a large window. I am planning on talking to Stacey about the loneliness I feel. I am hoping to open a dialog about my behaviors and to solicit any observations she may have on why I am not successful in the dating field. I also intend to see if she has any suggestions to help me improve.

 

Covert Practice

Me: (smiling, warm, open) Thank you for coming.

Stacey: Of course.

Me: (appearing vulnerable) I needed to talk to someone, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and I need to let it out. Can you help me?

Stacey: Of course, what’s wrong?

Me: I’ve been feeling very alone lately. I know that I have friends around, but I’m feeling alone in the sense that I’m never going to find someone to share my life with… someone who wants to share their life with me.

Stacey: I’m sure a lot of people feel that way sometimes.

Me: Yeah, but I feel that way all the time. I haven’t had a real date since the winter of 2009.

Stacey: I thought you were just dating someone recently?

Me: I was, but I knew up front that it wasn’t going to lead anywhere. The lifestyle she led was way too different from mine, and from what I want. Our relationship was more of a distraction.

Stacey: I’m sure that you will find someone; you just have to keep looking.

Me: (showing a little more confidence) I was hoping that you might be able to help me with that.

Stacey: I’m not sure I know what you mean.

Me: I need feedback. You know me, you know how I act. I need to know what I’m doing wrong… what I should be doing different.

 

Reflecting on the experience

I use this technique quite often; planning out conversations in advance. Generally when I do it I imagine several different responses to each statement. I began hopeful. I was hopeful that I would find the answers I was looking for in my own mind so that I wouldn’t have to have the real conversation. After I finished the imagined conversation I was a bit disheartened and I had a slight feeling of dread because I knew that I would have to have the conversation at some point. During the imagined conversation I was open and honest with my feelings, and I showed no sign of guilt or discomfort. I also talked about the feelings and the situation that has me feeling overwhelmed. I even added in some imagined nonverbal communication to help convey my feelings and attitude better. I stopped when I did because I honestly have no idea what she will say, if I did I wouldn’t need to have this conversation.