Monday, September 9th, 2013: How Do You View Sex, Dating, and Intimacy?

intimacy-and-relationship

A female friend of mine has been pointing out lately that there are differences in the way men and women view sex, dating, and intimacy.

According to her, for a man, sex is mainly physical. It requires very little mental stimuli to “get in the mood” and once ready there is not much that would take a man out of the mood. But for women sex is more mental and there are a million things that can get her in or out of the mood.

Case #1: I was spending the night at the apartment of a woman I had been dating. It had been a while since we’d had sex, and I wasn’t expecting it (although I was hoping for it). She had an Ikea day bed that pulls out into a larger bed. The supports for the mattresses were wooden slats. We pulled the bed out and I got ready to go to sleep. She turned the light off, came over to the bed and asked if I had brought any protection. This caught be a bit off guard, but made me quite happy and excited (as I said, it had been a while). I said yes, I generally carry one or two with me. She then says, “Until 6:30 I am yours.” We started making out and I undressed her (taking my time of course, I do know that foreplay is very important). I had just pulled her underwear off and was moving to get back on the bed with her. I placed my knee down on the mattress and one of the wooden support slats snapped (it was only 1 support and the bed was still usable). I’ll admit that it was a little annoying, but nothing that was going to stop my desire for her. Unfortunately for me that was enough to take her out of the mood and sideline me for the rest of the night.

I just can’t seem to understand how something like that could remove all sexual desire from someone.

Case #2: I take a woman I was dating out to dinner. Through the natural progression  of conversation she tells me that she does not see a future with me, that she “does not love me the way she should.” I am caught a bit off guard by this and begin to ask questions. I have found that if I can find out why someone feels a certain way I can generally accept it and move on, usually salvaging a friendship out of it. At this point she is planning on moving to another state (not because of me, because she doesn’t like the city we lived in and likes one she previously lived in). After talking through things she asks me what I want to do. I say that even though she doesn’t see a future with me (which I have accepted) there is still an attraction on both sides. We get along great and enjoy being with each other, so let’s continue to date until you move. There’s no reason we can’t enjoy each other in the time we have. She seemed rather enthusiastic about this idea (she even cheered at the suggestion). It had been going fine for a bit, but then she started to pull away. I asked here about this, “Why pull away, we still have 2 months before you move. If you enjoy the intimacy and sex why stop? Why not continue to enjoy it until you leave, then pull away?” She responded by saying, “What’s the point?”

Again, I just can’t understand it. If both parties enjoy each other, and are on the same page as to the nature of the relationship, why end it early?

I don’t know that I will ever be able to understand these things. I try to get my brain around them. I try to see them from the other person’s point of view, but I just can’t. Is this a man/woman thing? Or is it an “everyone is different” thing?

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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

dominant-submissive

Someone recently brought up the subject of Dominants and Submissives. I’m not referring, necessarily, to sex, just personalities in general. Are you a dominant or a submissive? How do you tell? Do you have to be one or the other? I’ve thought about this a little in the past, but I never really dove into it.

I would say that I am a little bit of both. I am more dominant when dealing with men, and a little more submissive when dealing with women. That’s not to say I don’t act contradictory on occasion. If someone has a good idea/plan then I will follow them regardless of gender, likewise if I believe in a decision/idea I will not back down no matter who opposes me. Once I figured that out I started to examine why I act that way.

Why am I more submissive with females than males? I was predominately raised by my mother, which could help explain why I am more submissive to women. There are also a lot of grey areas in the law when it comes to sex and consent, so I tend to error on the side of caution. I don’t want any woman to ever feel that I forced or coerced her into doing something she didn’t want to do.

Why am I more dominant with males than females? This one is more of a mystery to me. I can theorize that since I was picked on by some of the boys at my schools I developed a need to assert myself and show that I am better than them, more in control, more powerful. I’m not sure that this is accurate, but right now it is the only explanation I can come up with.

How about you? Are you a dominant? Are you a submissive? Why?

Friday, February 22, 2013

Well, it has been a long time since my last post. A lot has happened since then. I’m just going to talk about the recent events.

Employment:

I am still unemployed, and still looking. I have been able to pick up some temp work to help bolster my income as well as my resume.

 

Relationship:

I recently met someone and things are going well. She lives in a different state, and yes, I know that long distance relationships are tough but she is worth it. A friend posted her picture on Facebook. I commented on the picture. She commented back. We went back and forth a bit until I just messaged her directly. We chatted on FB for a day or so until we exchanged phone numbers. Since that day we’ve been chatting/talking/text almost nonstop.After almost a month of talking she came out to visit me. We spent a week together. She was even prettier in person than she was in pictures. We got along great. It was very difficult to say goodbye when she left. I missed her so much that the next day I booked a flight out to visit her. I leave in about a month and will be there for a week. While I’m there I will get to meet her children, she was previously married but has been divorced for a few years. I know it’s early, but I have a good feeling about this one. If all goes well during my visit then I will start looking at moving out there.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Yesterday I tried to enroll in classes for next semester but was told that I had an outstanding balance and would have to clear that up first. This morning I talked with student finances and found out that I reached the limit of my federal student loans. I am halfway through my junior year and I have no money left to pay tuition. Now I’m scrambling trying to find some way to pay for school so that I can get my degree. I’ve applied for 2 scholarships so far, and have a long list others that I will be looking into. I am planning on going to my bank this week to look into a private student loan. If I can’t find the money I’m going to have to drop out.Why does it have to be so difficult to get an education in this country?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Sometimes I think that I need to learn to keep my big mouth shut. I try to help people. I try to give advice that is good, that will help lead them to happiness… but sometimes it feels like that advice backfires and it brings frustration and unhappiness instead. All my intentions have always been good, but then again we all know what paves the road to hell. So, if I have ever given you advice, and it went horribly wrong, I am deeply sorry. And the next time I try to give you advice just remind me of the time it went bad and tell me to shut up.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Today I had to go down to unemployment and prove that I’ve been looking for work, which wasn’t difficult since I have been looking for work. My main gripe about it was that the whole process took about 30 min. when it really only needed to take 5. Why do people insist on making things more complicated than they need to be? Instead of letting me walk up and turn in my paper work they made a group of us sit in a room for 25 min. listening to them tell us how to fill out the paper work we were already supposed to have filled out… where is the sense in that? But enough about that.

 

Other than that detour today was a decent day. I helped a friend out, he was having eye surgery and I drove him to and from the appointment. I also finished some homework, getting a good jump on the week. Got my grade back from last week’s project 92 out of 100… not bad for only 2 hours of work. I don’t know why but school work has always come easy to me. I don’t really study or read the text, I just kind of intuitively figure it out. I am grateful for that ability. I even managed to send out 3 resumes today.

 

As the evening progressed I started feeling a little lonely, but not too bad. I just kind of wished I had someone to kick back and watch a little TV with. All in all it was a fairly good and productive day.

 

I hope all of you had a good and productive day as well… if anyone else is out there reading this that is. 🙂

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

Since it has been a while since my last post I think I should play catch up:

My previous roommate moved out, he got married and they are now living happily ever after. Congratulations to the both of them! I now have a new roommate. My new roommate is a very nice, sweet, beautiful, warm woman. So far we are getting along well, and I see no reason as to why that won’t continue. So, as of right now, I am quite content with my living arrangement.

I am still looking for work. I finished my 3 month marketing internship and am now looking for an entry-level marketing position. I have also begun to expand my search to include software QA work, which is what I did before switching over to marketing. I have managed to get a few interviews, but so far no offers.

School is going well. I’m still going part-time, due to cash restraints. I am currently taking Public Relations and Advertising. With the exception of 1 semester I have been on the Dean’s List every semester since I began classes.

I am also still single. I haven’t been looking too hard because, let’s face it, what woman wants to date an unemployed guy? I’m still keeping my eyes open, but until I land work I’m not going to be searching too hard.

I still deal with the same issues I have been battling: depression and loneliness. Some days are worse than others, but I always get through them. I have hope that I will make things better, I just have to keep trying.

Well, that’s my life in a nutshell. I will be writing more consistently from here on out. Thanks for reading.